Profile For Page McTruck

Ok, so, I did ALL the wrong things. I stuck it out and thought I'd made it. Though something told me not to assume anything, no matter how well it was going. Even when she told me I might get my new truck to drive for my last week of training..(I almost did! except when we saw it, she said she didn't know how to drive an automatic, and literally started crying). She had at LEAST three personalities, and I'm still not sure ANY of them had a grasp on reality.

So, I've decided that THE ONE BIG and FIRST mistake I made was not Noping out when I was told there was only one female trainer. Also, I didn't ask up front if I could have a Male trainer if it didn't work out. Wouldn't you know, the female trainer was instrumental in the decision to NOT allow Males to train females. Not only that, but only 2 of 6 or 7 trainees have made it past her. Most didn't stick out it out (smarter than I) but I was the second to make it to the very end, thinking we'd Done It! before her REAL MONSTER came out. Who knew the first three were just the baby monsters? YIKES!! I bailed the day before my supposed Last Day, leaving her in a Wisconsin Blizzard with no immediate plan to get home to Virginia! After a Canceled flight, I was BLESSED with the very last rental car. Literally, that car was not supposed to even leave the state! An Exception was made due to my traumatized demeanor, no doubt!!

I made it home on New Years Eve, feeling like she was probably in my trunk or something. I couldn't believe I was rid if her, and almost didn't care that I didn't know how I was going to explain why I left, or why I didn't leave. My only answer: you had to have been me, in that exact situation, to begin to understand how it all went down.

The LESSON as I see it: NEVER begin training OTR in a truck (or anything else probably) unless you know there's an OUT! In my case, the only OUT was quitting. (And for this I missed Christmas with my family?!)

Phew. Well, now I thank God have another chance. I'm basically all ready to go solo, but will GLADLY go back through another company's training, as my penance for being so selflessly determined, not to mention self-defeatingly HARD-HEADED! Also, I'm SURE there are lots of things I didn't learn. The last MONSTER in the END said it was because I wouldn't listen. I thought about this shocker almost the entire 1000 miles home, until I had a (TRUE) zinger response. In my recreated reality: "Well", I say in defiant retort, "I can't listen when there's nothing coming out of your mouth!" ..Literally, I'd be waiting for her to explain something...complete silence... And then she'd swear that she had been talking. Once she said, "oh, I said it in my head... I could have sworn I was saying it out loud."

I can't WAIT for my new company, my new trainer, and, VERY MUCH MOSTLY, the opportunity to pretend all this never happened!!!

With Trucker Love, Page McTruck

And to Kearsey and Bubbles: Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your reassuring and common-sense filled replies. Somehow I never saw your replies until today, after all has been said and most has been done. I'm not sure why, because I remember LOOKING for a response about a month after I wrote it... thinking I'd have gotten a notification if anyone did reply. I am so sad that I didn't see these responses. I'd like to say that I would have followed your advice. But based on what I've learned about myself, I most likely would have done the same exact thing. But even after the fact, especially now that I KNOW you were both RIGHT ON with your advice, I feel so much gratitude for your words to my 2-months-ago-self.

Trucker Hugs,

Page McTruck

Yell at me or be condescending, and I suddenly feel incapable of anything. I know this is MY problem, can't really do much about an instructor's response in a potentially stressful situation. Can't change her personality or cure her narcissism......... I'm trying to do what goes completely against my normal m.o. That is I I'm trying to appeal to her ego, giving her small gifts and forcing myself to interact when I really just want to run away! It usually works for a time, but it also makes me feel like a schmuck. Day 9 of training, and I'm still afraid of up and downshifting. As soon as I have a small problem, I panic and then her anger makes it almost a crisis. Yesterday I decided I was going home. Didn't tell anyone, but now I'm trying to talk myself through this frustration and urge to flee. I DON'T want to be defeated. I need to mentally overcome my tendency to screw up when I'm trying hardest not to... and I need to look beyond the effect her anger has on me. This is temporary, right??!

I've been wondering the same thing. I plan to ride with a male friend for at least a week before starting company training. A big challenge for me is not taking too much stuff! JJ would probably take off without me if he saw me coming with the amount of stuff I usually pack! The other thing I'm worried about is trying to remain low maintenance, so I don't slow him down. I think that means no long showers, less makeup, and no drying/straightening my hair. Maybe one of you has more to add to this list, since I assume there will be many inconveniences that I don't expect!

This will prepare me for spending weeks on end with a trainer, I am hoping!

Sue Page