Tough Times. Need Advice.

Brett and Errol,

Brett once again, brilliant post. You are a writer with so much depth and knowledge. Great stuff. I like the goals you set out....definitely going to apply a mindset that if I don't enjoy it in some way -- not going to do it.

I've always considered my life a smashing success because my goals have been:

1) Enjoy myself no matter what I'm doing

2) Find new and better challenges to take on

3) Experience as much as I can in life

4) Learn as much as possible from all of my experiences

Errol, Yes, Sarcoidosis a lifelong disease that can stabilize or get worse. Its an auto-immune disease was diagnosed last year. Trucking is ok---but the truck stops tear me up something fierce and just makes it worse. Not worth the health issue. Not really complaining -- more or less -- seeing if anyone has gone through bad times.

Ok I'm going to do something here that is probably going to sting a bit TW. Here's the deal bud. You and I are only 2 years apart in age. My story could read much like yours and if you asked me to write it down 2 years ago it would have. But I found a secret in life (its actually not a secret it's just so easy it seems it would never work but it really does!) that has helped me out in life 100% So what I did is took the liberty of copy and pasting your story into Microsoft word and re-wrote a lot of it to simply show you that "your perspective" on life will dictate whether you're happy, mad or depressed. Dude, I used to catastrophize events in my life and spent many hours in therapy hearing this stuff but never believing it. I have a 136 IQ which is much higher than most. Sometimes I wish I didn't have that knowledge because I used to use that as a crutch to believe I was smarter than most people. Which may be true. However I lacked a lot of wisdom. Until I changed my attitude on life. That happened over a year ago. Since I've changed the way I perceive the world around me my life has changed for the better ten fold. So here it is. Your story re-written:

I am 47 yrs old. All my life has been an adventure! --- much like anything. Most things seem to end well for me when I believe the world is out to get me.

1.) I spent many years trying to get a college degree because I was hoping it would lead to a better paying job. I never finished applying myself. End result: Good education.

2.) I became a teacher and was required to take 1 year of night classes while I taught full time to fulfill my license requirements. End result: 2 years later I was laid off and ended up losing all school credits. I didn’t research other areas around the country to put my skills to work. I chose to stay in my area and try another trade/profession.

3.) I thought truck driving was the answer because it is stable profession. I spent 6 months getting grants through WIA to go to trucking school for free. I graduated from trucking school with straight A's, zero debt, full endorsements, HAZMAT , Doubles/Triples and Tankers and a promising career. 1 month later I ended up with severe bronchitis from the diesel exhaust fumes. End result: I got diagnosed with Sarcoidosis-- a rare lung disease (pulmonary fibrosis) that destroys lung tissue and I said bye bye to trucking. Who could of seen this coming? I left knowing my health would be better off not being around diesel engines.

4.)I decided to write and sell books. I spent 1 year and countless hours of research and writing books and they sell on Amazon.com. End result. No profits. The literary market is full of writers starving for publication and most writers will have MULTIPLE failures before finding a good paying gig/novel. There is far more rejections in writing than successes and I unfortunately don’t have the time to complete what is necessary to continue. Fortunately I can always work on this in my spare time. 5.) I wanted to learn to be a computer programmer so I could build a political website/blog from scratch. Place ads on it and make money. It took me one year to learn three computer languages-- HTML, CSS, and JavaScript. I created the website and it is up and running but its not making money like I had hoped. Again I chose a market that is full of graphic designers with a hell of a lot more experience in web building than my 1 year so I’ll have to put more effort into furthering my education to find better success in web page design and marketing/advertising.

6.) My car gets stolen. I sit in my tiny studio apartment, broke, drive a crappy car now and there is no jobs out there that I want. I should have just gone to college in my youth to study something practical but I sucked at long term planning. I suppose my parents were right when I was young and now I realize that everything they told me was the truth.

Many people my age are making 40k a year plus a year while I work two dead end jobs that pay $10 an hour. These are high school wages. But I’m blessed as there are also a HELL OF A LOT of people worse off than me with no job, no place to live and hooked on drugs. I am a smart guy, graduated at top of my class in school, have a brain, and know how to use it. I am worth a heck of a lot more money. I just need some practice in perspective and applying it.

I am thinking of going to nursing school or be a flight attendant. But I am concerned my luck I might get some terminal disease in nursing or the plane will crash after being hired. But I also realize with that attitude I most certainly WILL FAIL. Everyone gets dealt a bad hand of cards in life! I need a job that's going to get me a better standard of living. When I’m finished dwelling on mistakes I’ve made in life and reliving them over and over, I’ll move on and find and get one. Even if I must relocate to do it.

Anyone go through this BS?

Hi Terry,

You rewrote the script. I like the positive tone. Attitude does determine your altitude in life. I noticed when I am positive then positivity comes my way. I am going to reread and absorb everything you wrote and see how I can apply it to other things in my way.

Solid material!

Thanks man.

Hi Terry,

You rewrote the script. I like the positive tone. Attitude does determine your altitude in life. I noticed when I am positive then positivity comes my way. I am going to reread and absorb everything you wrote and see how I can apply it to other things in my way.

Solid material!

Thanks man.

Your observation of feeling positive and having positivity come back to you is 100% accurate and true!!! You get back what you put out into the universe!! I noticed a typo in my first paragraph I couldn't correct that should read:

"I am 47 yrs old. All my life has been an adventure! --- much like anything. Most things seem to end well for me when I believe the world is ISN'T out to get me."

I write a blog with the topic of "Changing bad karma." It's totally about this kind of stuff right here. I'm not a professional life coach and don't claim to be. What I am is a middle aged man that has looked at the world negatively for most of my adult life. I didn't start feeling better about things until I changed my perspective on life. There was a life changing event in my life that made me start looking at things different. And it fits the tone of "sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can climb out." In my case it was the death of my mother 3 years ago.

I was totally devastated when she was diagnosed with a second round of Lymphoma and had a tumor growing around her esophagus and only had weeks to live. I spent about 2 weeks with her in hospice. (I took a leave of absence from work in Chicago to be with my Mom in California) I was extremely close to my mom and like I said I was beside myself with grief knowing she was about to leave the world. But I tell you what. In the 2 weeks that I was with her, my Mother NEVER and I mean NEVER cried and felt sad about her passing. Every day while I sat next to her crying my ass off, she would comfort me with her words.

"Don't cry for me son, my life is such a blessing. I've been blessed in everything and right now as I lie here I have all of my kids with me and I am nothing but blessed."

My mom was not wealthy and had a very rough life. But on her deathbed she never ever said anything but positive things about her life. After she passed and some time went by and my grieving lessened a bit; I started thinking about the way she handled dying. It changed me. I saw that at the end of a difficult life and knowing she was days away from passing, she did nothing but look at life and her passing as a positive thing. And I began to think to myself "By God if that woman could do it I can too." It's what she wanted me to do after she was gone.

This is some very deep stuff I'm sharing here but it serves to make a point. Life is what you make it brother. Probably way too deep for this conversation. I just want to drive home a point here. I have faith that YOU will find a way to make the best of what cards you've been dealt. Throw away what isn't gonna get you a better hand later. I sincerely wish you the best!!

Youre a good man Terry. I'm proud to call you my friend.

I have a similar life history. I have been a dishwasher, framer, roofer, river guide, ski area worker, manager, maintenance person, cook, facility manager, property manager, service man/oiler, water tanker driver, flat be driver, equipment operator, solar installer, and now a gravel shooter. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up and I am 49 years old. LOL But you know what? I have friends that went for the one-job career 30 years ago and they seem to me to be the most unhappy people I know. They are slaves to their jobs and their home and car payments. They never seem to have any good fun experiences. In the end it is what you experience that matters more than how much money you made. My advice to someone like you and to myself is, don't compare yourself to others, fill your time with experiences, even small inexpensive ones, keep plugging away and finally be honest with yourself. A nurse I could never be, too much blood, and other body fluids and solids, pain, trauma and death. Is that really what you want to be around all the time? There are a lot of driving jobs that don't involve fumes and truck stops. But be honest with yourself. What is it you WANT to do? What makes you HAPPY? And go from there. Teaching is still an option, writing is still an option. You definitely need more than one year to make it as a writer. Do some research, write in your spare time, web design in your spare time, keep plugging and chugging, work the dead end jobs to pay the bills but keep your eye on the prize. Don't expect things to turn rosey in a year, give it 5 or even 10. Keep hoping and dreaming and EXPERIENCING, and don't give up. You have to be honest with yourself and decide what it is you want to do. Writing really interests me and I have 2 books in the works, but that is on the side, I am not counting on that to make me my living, but I will enjoy writing and heck it keeps me out of trouble in my down time. And one day it might generate some income. Look for people you think of as successful and talk to them about it. What do they do, how do they do it, then apply that knowledge to yourself. The world is your oyster!

Phil

Amazing posts!

Its interesting to note -- that I have lived in many areas you all reside in. I am from Chicago(20 years), lived in Daytona Beach,(3 years)Tampa(12 years), and Chandler, AZ(8 years) I ended up in Ohio.

Very sad to hear about your moms passing -- her passing helped inspire you about life and how to be more positive despite setbacks, struggling, heartaches, and death.

Don't cry for me son, my life is such a blessing. I've been blessed in everything and right now as I lie here I have all of my kids with me and I am nothing but blessed.

Amazing perspective on life.

I need to develop positive experiences rather than dwelling on my situation. Your mom's attitude towards death and acceptance showed tremendous courage and strength! Perspective is a incredible lesson to make me persevere.

After she passed and some time went by and my grieving lessened a bit; I started thinking about the way she handled dying. It changed me. I saw that at the end of a difficult life and knowing she was days away from passing, she did nothing but look at life and her passing as a positive thing. And I began to think to myself "By God if that woman could do it I can too." It's what she wanted me to do after she was gone.

That paragraph is gold.

She passed a lesson onto you and you have passed it on to me to rise above this and make something of myself. Perspective is key. Is the glass half empty or glass half full?

From here on out -- I am going to do it. I am going to stay positive!

Thanks Terry and everyone!

Youre a good man Terry. I'm proud to call you my friend.

Thank you Daniel. And I am most proud to call you my friend and my equal. In fact you have wisdom beyond your years which puts you ahead of me in many ways!

Phil C. you've nailed it to a tee!! You've summed up what I've been trying to say. Props to you!

T.W. I'm very relieved you took my long posts as just a viewpoint. I'm not trying to preach or look down upon you from above. I'm not better than anyone here and am trying hard not to come across as "I know better."

As a caveat I am also an aspiring writer. I've taken an online course on writing and am in the midst of another course on novel writing. I'm still searching for a genre I'm comfortable with. My wife is a graphic designer, that last year, lost a job of 20 years and has since started her own graphic design business. She also just finished her AA in graphic/web design and is working on her BA. So the things you've done hit close to home with me.

Stay thirsty my friends!! I have a 1:30 AM start for a 15 hour day tomorrow.

In the end it is what you experience that matters more than how much money you made. My advice to someone like you and to myself is, don't compare yourself to others, fill your time with experiences, even small inexpensive ones, keep plugging away and finally be honest with yourself.

Phil

Word to live by.

T.W.

I too have done many things in life and have failed at many. I also have a ton of education but not much to show for it besides the incredible critical thinking skills . I used to work in the administrative side at universities and thought I would do that for the rest of my life but then 2008 happened and I was unable to get back into it after having lost my position.

I had a bachelor at the time so I thought I would get a masters while waiting to get into another university. My masters is in education with a specialization in English Language Learners (ELL). No jobs after finishing THAT powerful degree so I got into a doctoral program in education. The money ran out so I am now an ABD...All but dissertation.

I am currently considering trucking since my brother-in-law has given me information on it and I am studying some things on this forum.

Have you ever thought about teaching English as a foreign language? You could make some cash in places like China, Vietnam, and possibly the ME.

Good luck with everything.