A Challenge, Maybe?

Its not been long since I was on here last and the replies I got were helpful in easing my estranged thoughts that lacked comprehensive understanding. Although I am angry and obviously very pained. He lacks complete understanding of why I'm so hurt and is thinking I am wrong for breaking off the relationship because of this woman and that I'm losing a good man who could have cheated on me at anytime but chose not too. This is what he is saying. I'm not one for drama so I am truly hoping that this does not look like drama. In turn I'm reaching out for hope and inspiration. In the past I have been a very naive female and choose my partners poorly. Out of my ex's not one has come forward to be there for his child/ children and yet again I feel I have chosen poorly. I can't get my mind and focus back on track with what he did. He feels so strongly that I am in the wrong. This woman hid and could not face me he even protected her and his truck. He admitted that he had no money for diapers his son needed because he was helping her. At first I was disappointed in his decision but told him I would offer my couch or even give her blankets to keep warm. He said he needed to take her to the truck stop. (The part where I thought to wa) the next day she was still with him that night I asked him to spend an hour with his son and he refused and told me he wouldn't leave his truck even though he could leave his truck in a parking lot right in front of the home. He stayed at the truck stop anyways. So once again why did he come home just to be so cruel, he has no conception of what he put me and my children through. He has not even said he was sorry and tells me he doesn't know what to tell me because he is a "good" man who "loves" me. He told me to leave the poor woman alone even though he claimed to have dropped her off. He has no understanding that yes the woman has a lot to do with my anger but what I really want to know is why he did that, why did he bring her there and stay with her instead of his own family if he was only giving her a ride? The pain is so aggravating, I want focus back so I can get back to being the strong person I know I am.

He did that because a lot of men think with their ***** and not their brain. The younger they are the more evident this is.

Look, this guy really isn't worth it. I wouldn't give him one more thought and move on with my life. Forgive him for what he has done but move on with your life in harmony.

Once upon a time there was a hawk in the desert. The hawk found a rodent and scooped it loosely in his talons. The hawk began to fly to its perch. While in flight, the rodent started chewing at the hawks stomach until finally the bird dropped from the sky dead and the rodent walked away. Instead of releasing the rodent, the hawk kept clinching unto it.

You're the hawk, and all that pain and bitterness you're clinching is the rodent. Let it go, or it'll eat you alive. Forgiveness sets you free!

I'm sure there's a good guy somewhere out there for you. Don't search for him, let him find you. But do seek Him while you're at it.

No money to buy diapers for his own child because he was too preoccupied taking care of HER needs first? Spent the night at the truck stop with HER? Hell no. NO. No. Hell would freeze over before I'd let him walk back into my life! Tell him that he can now consider his truck his new home!

Jenny you amaze me with your willingness to entertain this bums excuses. Good guys don't have to convince you that they are good. Their behavior says it all. You don't get lemons from an apple tree. You don't get a man who entertains another woman, willing to make his own offspring suffer because of his aberrant selfish ways, when you have a "good man."

He is a bald faced liar, and it is because you have demonstrated in the past that you will believe what ever he says.

Jenny, I try not to give relationship advice (especially on this forum) because many times I have been wrong and I don't want to offer anything other than what is obvious. What is obvious to me is that you are in denial and seem to be holding to the belief that you have something to lose by walking away from this guy. Don't you and your child deserve better? I don't know you, but I believe that you do.

He seems to have control over you right now. Take the control back from him and try coming to grips with the fact that this will never get any better unless you turn your back on him right now. Love is a decision, a commitment and although may start with feelings of euphoria, it wares off. Make the right decision to love yourself and unconditionally cut him loose. Take back the control.

I have a grown daughter...if she was in your situation I would be telling he the exact same thing!!!

I don't know the history here, but from what I'm reading here, you're better off without this guy in your or your kids lives. I've got five kids with my wife, oldest is 4 years old, and I can think of nothing that would keep me from being there for them at any time.

I respect the replies. The challenge I have is what I will be able to tell my son when he asks about the man that is not there, how will I help him not become that same way, gosh I hope it's not gentic? I'm sure it'll come to me with time. What gets me is he'll seem so friendly like this relationship ment nothing. Someday if you run across a long hauler with an accent that calls himself J.R.Who has a friendly know that he turned his back on his son for a woman he still swears was only a ride.

I respect the replies. The challenge I have is what I will be able to tell my son when he asks about the man that is not there, how will I help him not become that same way, gosh I hope it's not gentic? I'm sure it'll come to me with time. What gets me is he'll seem so friendly like this relationship ment nothing. Someday if you run across a long hauler with an accent that calls himself J.R.Who has a friendly know that he turned his back on his son for a woman he still swears was only a ride.

Your focus needs to be on your son and not his father. When your son is old enough to understand, you start by telling him the truth. If you stay with this guy, you will be validating to your son this is acceptable behavior and as a result he could follow in Daddy's footsteps.

I respect the replies. The challenge I have is what I will be able to tell my son when he asks about the man that is not there, how will I help him not become that same way, gosh I hope it's not gentic? I'm sure it'll come to me with time. What gets me is he'll seem so friendly like this relationship ment nothing. Someday if you run across a long hauler with an accent that calls himself J.R.Who has a friendly know that he turned his back on his son for a woman he still swears was only a ride.

I told him I'm done with him and angry by the betrayal. He wanted me to feel like I'm the one losing out. I am hurt deeply by this because I had trusted again after my ex (before J.R.) destroyed everything I had and I had to pick up all the shattered pieces, J.R. helped me while I fought hard to recover... just for him to bring home a girl.... I just don't get it. Why would a person forget what is important and act like it never mattered and turn it around on me. He met me with my four children and left me with five. It's not easy but I have been doing what I know.

Let me tell you something, Jenny. If I had been that woman he was giving a ride to, when I would have come out of his truck and see the distress it was causing you, I would have been jumping in and not been afraid to reassure you that there was nothing going on. I would have been giving you an explanation as to why I asked your "good man" for a ride and needed his help. I wouldn't have been hiding, and wouldn't have let the poor guy fend for himself trying to reassure you. That's what an honest woman in need would have done. Instead, she hid and didn't say a darn word, when she clearly saw the trouble it was causing.

Sometimes men can be a little "dumb" (no offense guys!!) about these things, because they often don't see eye to eye with us, ladies. We're very sensitive about stuff like that, whereat a lot of guys don't see "what's the big deal about it" because they don't think about our feelings. Let's assume your guy was that one who didn't know any better.....that woman should have stepped in and present herself to you.

She didn't. And he lied also. And he took care of her before your child and you. Spent the night elsewhere instead of his own bed.

As far as explaining your son....telling him the truth might be a solution, but when he's much older (an adult man). A child doesn't need to hear all that, and if he's to have a relationship with his dad, you don't want to come off as the parent who always bad mouth the ex. Kids *hate* that. The truth will eventually come out some day. Maybe you can simply say something like "daddy had different views than mommy about relationship commitments".....one day when he's old enough, he'll understand what you meant. As for now, your job is to raise him teaching respect not only for girls, but for everyone. Be strong, don't stay in your own bubble and seek support where you can. And most importantly....always try to wake up seeing each day as an opportunity to find something better, with a smile. Smiling always help. :)