Stuck At Home It Seems, Eager To Start Training

This is a venting, kind of a useless post I guess, and I apologize in advance for bragging/and/or being long winded.

I've been studying off and on using The High Road (I can remember the first 25 pages or so, I'm on page 49 right now and the fartherest I've gotten before resetting is page 82, I think.)

I've lived at home with my dad for the last few months. While I won't complain and I've got an easy life right now (dad is helping me out and is very generous, but he wants me to get out on my own - like - NOW. We get into fights every now and then and he's a negative and cynical old bird, he's one reason but he's not the only reason I want to be a trucker, though, I've had the dream for years), being at home and not getting this career going is begging me to escape and I'm putting pressure on myself and it weighs me down...

I've contacted a few companies the last few months, and had offers from Prime and Jim Palmer Trucking to start immediately, but each one I had to tell that I'm not ready. I still have to get a doctor's excuse in order to drive, which I hope will happen at my next appointment mid-next-month. I wanted to complain to ya'll that my dad kind of 'unintentionally' blocked me from traveling for training at Prime back in July (he put ideas in my head and was not willing to drive me to the bus station), but looking back I'm thankful that he put doubts up about it because I feel more prepared now than I was then.

As a side note, years ago I traveled out of state for training only to get cold feet and hightail it back home, something I'm glad I did - I don't think I was ready to drive then and I hadn't even heard of this site back then, either, so I'm pretty sure that it would have been a disaster if I had stayed and trained, who knows...

I want to skip having no job, no friends, no money, credit cards and other bills past due, and get to training. I want to move so bad, and studying is painful, - and, half the time I want to say forget it.

I feel like I've changed since I first posted here, though, and I would like to get more involved on the forums and maybe some day post a CDL diary...if I don't get cold feet again...

I don't think it's a useless post,...we have seem similar stories.

You control your own destiny, nothing should be stopping you (except possibly the medical thing you eluded to). To be blunt, when your Dad has passed, you will need to be self reliant, with a good paying job that you are hopefully happy with. Be careful not to fall into the trap when a parent throws negative caution to the wind because of their agenda to keep you around...and available. It's your life. Grow a set.

if I don't get cold feet again...

Ben, it seems you're going to face one heck of a struggle when you get started in this industry I'm afraid. If you're getting cold feet just thinking about it, the reality is going to be terrifying. That's the truth about this job. It's quite stressful and quite dangerous.

The other concern is that you're still living at home but trucking requires someone who is fiercely independent. You're out there on your own handling that rig, routing, time management, bad weather, terrible traffic, breakdowns, and all kinds of stuff working against you all the time. You have to be creative coming up with solutions to these challenges. You have to be fiercely determined to get the job done safely and on time. You really have to dig deep sometimes if you want to make it in this industry.

Often times the only thing scarier than actually doing something is sitting there thinking about doing it for the first time. I wish I could say that about trucking but unfortunately trucking is pretty darn scary sometimes.

So in the end, to me this has nothing to do with your father or your medical condition or any of that. It simply comes down to you. Do you want it badly enough? Do you have the courage and the confidence to head out there on the highways behind the wheel of a big rig? That's the question. You're going to have to dig deep and find it within yourself to make this happen. We're certainly pulling for you if you decide to give it a shot.

It's scary, trust me I know. How old are you? Sounds like you may be near my age and if not I hope it's motivation for you (I'm 22 btw). My dad was really against me doing this job and did what he could to talk me out of it. However I didn't let it affect me because I was miserable being a cashier at the truckstop. Being a cashier gave me a crash course on how cold the world is. It was a hard reality for me because all I knew before coming out here was rural New Mexico.

Eventually back in January I made the choice and got on the grey dog to Phoenix in March. I was terrified and full of anxiety. I even almost quit on the 5th day, but the taxi driver giving me a ride to the bus station told me "you have to take risks in order to live a better life", after he said this I had him turn around and went back to the academy. After this I ended up being one of the top students and passed all my tests on the first try.

These past few months have taught me a lot about facing fears. In reality most of your fears will subside with experience. I went from being terrified to back in front of everyone, to hitting tight docks in one try. From being scared of city driving (I have never driven in the city before trucking, in fact I can now say I never driven a car in the city) to being comfortable in Los Angeles traffic.

Now I'm a nervous wreck because winter is here and I am going into it without any experience. Yes, I have driven plenty of times in snow, but not with a trailer,etc. One thing I do know is that experience will help those fears subside. Fear in a truck is healthy at keeping one safe, but too much fear will destroy a driver out here.

One thing that helped me was advice that said what would you tell a friend if he/she was in your shoes? This ultimately lead to me doing this. Don't let the fear consume you, none of us were born driving this beast, but anybody is capable of learning how to operate one of these rigs. Feel the fear and do it anyways, because time is not going to stop for you. The longer you wait the worse the cold feet might get. Good luck my friend!

Great post Gladhand. I have nothing to add

I don't think it's a useless post,...we have seem similar stories.

You control your own destiny, nothing should be stopping you (except possibly the medical thing you eluded to). To be blunt, when your Dad has passed, you will need to be self reliant, with a good paying job that you are hopefully happy with. Be careful not to fall into the trap when a parent throws negative caution to the wind because of their agenda to keep you around...and available. It's your life. Grow a set.

Thanks. I hope my dad isn't going to pass anytime soon, but I know he will eventually. He wants me out because he want to move out himself (I think I may be keeping him from moving as one of the reasons he's staying). Sometimes I imagine that if I were OTR I wouldn't talk to him or much of my family even by phone, we hardly ever talk anyway besides my dad.

Ben, it seems you're going to face one heck of a struggle when you get started in this industry I'm afraid. If you're getting cold feet just thinking about it, the reality is going to be terrifying. That's the truth about this job. It's quite stressful and quite dangerous.

...

Often times the only thing scarier than actually doing something is sitting there thinking about doing it for the first time. I wish I could say that about trucking but unfortunately trucking is pretty darn scary sometimes.

Brett, thanks, you make good points. I've never been totally and completely out on my own (I've always had roommates).

One thing that helped me was advice that said what would you tell a friend if he/she was in your shoes? This ultimately lead to me doing this. Don't let the fear consume you, none of us were born driving this beast, but anybody is capable of learning how to operate one of these rigs. Feel the fear and do it anyways, because time is not going to stop for you. The longer you wait the worse the cold feet might get. Good luck my friend!

Thanks Gladhands - I'm 34, haha and yeah time won't stop, I'm not getting younger...

Ya'lls posts have given me good insight, thank you all for your support. And Tractor Man - I agree, there's nothing left to add...Thanks for listening to me vent.