How Do I Get Out Of This?

IMO, I think you are severely over-thinking this. I don't know what company you work for, therefore I have not read your companies policies. That said, in most organizations, a trainer is a de facto supervisor. She has the responsibility to conduct herself professionally at all times while you are in her care. If the company finds out about this, SHE will definitely have more to answer for than you will. I would discuss this with her first and basically, and as nicely as you can put it, let her know that it's over and that she needs to get over it. I would also remind her of her responsibilities as a trainer/supervisor and remind her that this entire scenerio can adversely and possibly permanently affect her career. Again, as nicely as you can put it. If you can come to agreement to both act like professionals and adults, then just move on. I would then get off that truck. If you come to terms with her, then it's all good and she should sign off on you. If you cannot come to terms, then as soon as you get off the truck, let your supervisor know what happened and ride it out.

I would also record your conversation with her so that if she later tries to have you charged with misconduct or worse (rape), you'll have some proof to help you....

Cowardice being the better part of valor...

I would contact your FM , and ask for a new trainer - telling him you are having SEVERE PERSONAL CONFLICTS with your trainer, and leave it at that.

While this IS a real case of sexual harassment - whether you want to LEAD WITH THAT, or just get off her truck first - is entirely up to you.

GET OFF HER TRUCK with as little pain as possible - and then when you're SAFELY OFF, decide how you want to proceed.

Going with a sexual harassment complaint, right out of the gate - is going to tie you up in a bunch of BS. Whether you want to make a "formal complaint", once you get out of the truck, is up to you.

But I would take it up with HR, once you get off the truck. Lead with "I don't want to make a FEDERAL CASE out of this, but y'all really need to know what went on". Hitting on you is one thing - showing up in the front seat naked, is harassment. As other have mentioned, she is a supervisor and can determine your employment status - so she IS in a "position of power" over you.

Don't make it into a "he said/she said" thing - but this woman DOES NOT NEED TO BE IN A POSITION OF POWER over a male driver. She could just as easily "go both ways", and do this to a female driver too.

My feeling is - if you make it plain that you aren't looking to "make waves" (or a multi-million $$ lawsuit), then you should see any repercussions out of it. You do want to go out with another trainer, just to get some more backs done, and be honestly evaluated as to whether or not you are ready to go solo.

Rick

Road R wrote:

I defiantly (definitely) need to stop with older women, it's getting to be a habit, told myself to stop a while back but it keeps happening, just don't meet girls my age as much or they're not interested.

Wait, what…I thought your trainer was the predator. It keeps happening…? C'mon...I think "you-da-playa" Pup, not all her. If this was a regular thing for her, she'd easily let go of you, wouldn't think twice about it, and gladly wait for the next freshly minted plebe to enter her lair. Were you her "mark" or was it the inverse? Only you know for sure...

Road R I have read this entire thread, front to back several times over (slightly angered by your stupidity),…and I just cannot get past the above comment you wrote at some point yesterday. For me it's a damning testament to your character and has little to do with your trainer. You sir, got exactly what you asked for. And now you want to get out of it with limited accountability? Doesn't typically work that way. Old School shared an "old adage" about NOT “dipping your pen in the company ink well”…my Father gave me a similar lesson 40 years ago. Great advice that our politically correct corporate society and tight-lipped HR departments have written carefully crafted paragraphs to basically say the same exact thing. I will share one of my favorites as well; “you reap what you sow”. Ever heard that? It’s definitely old, from the Bible and quite frankly describes perfectly the predicament you find yourself in. You placed yourself in a position, setting the stage to enable what happened. You had more than one opportunity to take yourself out of this situation, exercising common sense and self control. Is this the same way you are going to handle a situation on the road when an unknowing, aggressive four wheeler won’t yield the right of way to you? Immature, emotional thinkers in this business scare the hell out of me…

I honestly do not know how to best advise you. Of everything I read, I tend to agree with Old School's suggestion. It’s obvious what you need to do to prevent this in the future, and if you cannot do it alone, get some professional help. I strongly believe there is mutual responsibility and accountability for what happened and that you both knew exactly what you were doing, although I think her end game was very different then yours. So yes, like a couple of others, not buying it’s “all her” due to the ambiguity of your replies.

We have a saying around here, "own your mistakes". You must own your portion of this one. Not sure how you can accomplish this, it’s up to you to take a path that fits your conscience and no one here is adequately equipped on how best to advise you. We are not psychologists and barely know you. I believe you need to work on some things before you can be completely trusted as a trucker. Regardless, you absolutely must exit her truck as soon as possible and finish training with a male trainer if for no other reason; public safety. Do the right thing.

I sincerely wish you the best of luck.

So how close is she to owning her truck without payments :)

Sounds like you gotta sweat deal on your hands

I'd give a finger or two if I could start over at 21 and go over the road with a girl!

Call me crazy...

I think what your experiencing is normal but don't leave.

You smell things now that you've never been able to smell before. Your relationship is now based on business as well as infatuation and your "boss" is your female partner because it's Her truck and she is training you.

That's a complex for a lot of guys...

I haven't read all of the posts and replies but if it's just a relationship problem based on being too close for too long of a period and now it's no longer fun and games you actually have to work.

You have to be somewhere at a specific time.

All the time. You guys should take a couple days off and enjoy each other get back to the beginning of why you decided to go with her.

Oh Mr Smith you really should read all the posts,Boy meets Girl

I haven't read all of the posts and replies

So how close is she to owning her truck without payments :)

Sounds like you gotta sweat deal on your hands

I'd give a finger or two if I could start over at 21 and go over the road with a girl!

Call me crazy...

I think what your experiencing is normal but don't leave.

You smell things now that you've never been able to smell before. Your relationship is now based on business as well as infatuation and your "boss" is your female partner because it's Her truck and she is training you.

That's a complex for a lot of guys...

I haven't read all of the posts and replies but if it's just a relationship problem based on being too close for too long of a period and now it's no longer fun and games you actually have to work.

You have to be somewhere at a specific time.

All the time. You guys should take a couple days off and enjoy each other get back to the beginning of why you decided to go with her.

Uh yeah - okay...

Rick

Thanks for the replies. But they're a little confusing, I can't do all of em at the same time.

I guess I'm a bad person. The older woman thing started when I was in middle school, had a teacher who taught me more than English. That definitely [sorry, my spelling isn't always good) was not on me, and I don't care who thinks I started it, I didn't, I was only 14 and didn't know anything about sex till then. This is what I was talking about, people always blame the guy. She never got caught I don't think, idk if she's still doing it or what, we moved away after school that year. And yeah at the time I thought it was cool but I can see it messed me up some. And that what she did was wrong. There was another in high school two years later, friend's mom, she got caught [or we got caught). Maybe some of that was on me cuz I prolly knew better then. But I didn't chase her, it was definitely her chasing me from the start. It was a big mess. I didn't date any girls for a couple years after that.

So maybe I own this one since I'm older now. That's fine, I own it then, even if I didn't start it. No one will believe it anyways, I already know that from experience. But it doesn't have anything to do with the way I drive ffs. Like I said, I know I'm a rookie. I don't claim to anything but that. But I'm a careful driver and really watch what I'm doing all the time. The truck is huge and I don't want to hit anything so I go slow and take it easy. I learned that here. Everybody has to start at the beginning, right? Maybe I'm immature or just plain wrong about stuff when it comes to women but not when it comes to driving the truck. Two totally seperate things. I prolly gave too much information earlier and now too, but whatever. I was trying to explain the situation is all, best I could. Sorry if you think I shouldn't share the road with all you holy people, but I need to make some money.

So anyways we talked last night, she calmed down a lot. She says she'll approve me to go solo now. She talked to her dispatcher and is trying to get us back so I can get my own truck by this weekend.

Thanks again for letting me vent here. It helped.

Road Rash reports:

So anyways we talked last night, she calmed down a lot. She says she'll approve me to go solo now. She talked to her dispatcher and is trying to get us back so I can get my own truck by this weekend.

That's great, good for you. Be strong...

Hey Man, I really don't think any one of these fine Folks are judging you. We don't know you personally, we just all have a difference of opinion and everyone has been honest with you. See, that's the best part of TT, you can share and get feedback, it may not always be what you are hoping to hear but it is honest and from so many differing view points that you can evaluate the posts and absorb the viewpoints which will help you see the World 360. I will say I completely understand the Older Women thing, and your experience in that realm is quite unique but maybe it's time to think about where this has lead you and maybe it's time to take a break from this type of Women and focus on a really awesome career opportunity. As Nancy Reagan said "Just Say NO". Good Luck going Solo!!!

So anyways we talked last night, she calmed down a lot. She says she'll approve me to go solo now. She talked to her dispatcher and is trying to get us back so I can get my own truck by this weekend.

Glad you worked that out amicably. Keep your zipper UP. This could have gone WAY WORSE for both of you.

Note to newbies in training - NO MATTER HOW TEMPTING - KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS (this goes for BOTH SEXES) with your trainer. Y'all want to get a room AFTER you upgrade to solo - GO FOR IT.

Rick