Okay I Am In Utter Need Of Help!!! I Have Been Out, You Guess It 2.5 Years...ugh.

Nice advice and reply Banks. You keep driving your doubles and triples and let Victor squabble, complain, blame others, while you crank out the miles. This guy sounds toxic. I don't think he deserves to get behind the wheel of a 18 Wheeler.

There's no point in going back and forth, Army. I know his type, because I used to be like him. The difference now is I'm happy. Life is great and I try to give off positive energy.

We've seen his type here too many times to count. He'll get a second chance with CR England or PAM, and come back complaining about how they're paying him slave wages and he's not getting any miles.

Not sure your attitude is helping your case at all, but hey you do you!

You hold no cards and need to basically be begging log book in hand for another shot not blaming the company or trainer.

Alright I have had to humble myself before and quite frankly I will humble myself. From ALL of you, I ask forgiveness for my attitude and defensiveness. I was wrong to be so defensive and I did put my business out on here didn't I? So I was wrong, would you please forgive me?

On another note, Banks I just wish you would have asked more questions then to assume you already new everything that had gone on. That's all. I am sincerely sorry about making you look like a jack rabbit but I am not sorry about being angry with all the assumtions. Your right that I was "canned" and that I could have done more to get better. I have had to humble myself to the point of going back to school with Pam Transport and get retrained. Is that all that bad? Nope, no it isn't but I was trying to avoid a contract. O well.

Yes that is true about the trainer and student, yet I did do my best to pay attention to his guidance. So does that make me such a bad student? Yes I was too defensive. I am trying to work through this defensiveness. I learned it growing up and I am more than willing to face my fault in that matter.

For one you definitely dont know what your talking about. 1. I was terminated, 2nd I asked if he thought I was ready, 3rd I got out more than most people to check my rear end. Remember only 2 of those was backing up. And your a rookie solo and so you dont have enough experience to really speak up. Let the more experience talk. Thanks. You need to quite being judgemental too.

LMAO....says the NON-TRUCK DRIVER to the TRUCK DRIVER.

Dude, dont be so defensively hostile. Anything you did solo is your fault alone. Your trainer has no fault in your shortcomings and deserves none of the blame. Are all trainers good? No, but then neither are all students.

What if they were none-ticketed and none-citated and preventable? They were not on my driving record. I went to DMV to get it too. Employer version.

You are already doing what you need to do. Apply everywhere and don't be picky. You aren't in a position to be picky.

You can't say you've been accident free since 2015 because you have five on your DAC.

When you're discussing these with potential employers be specific. Don't just say "I learned from my mistakes". It's a hollow statement. "I could have easily prevented the high hook accident had I stopped and did a GOAL before backing all the way under the trailer" tells someone you are taking responsibility and shows you understand what went wrong. I have seen drivers avoid termination doing that.

If you get hired on somewhere you will most likely have to go back through school and go back with a trainer. Be humble and be up front that you had problems with backing and trip planning. That way your trainer can make sure they show you.

Good luck.

What if they were none-ticketed and none-citated and preventable? They were not on my driving record. I went to DMV to get it too. Employer version

Your DAC report is different then your personal driving record, since it was done in a commercial vehicle it won't show up on your personal driving record, if I am not mistaking. But future employers at other trucking companies can view them on your DAC report and see when these accidents took place if they were reported by your previous company.

SD giving advice...

Maybe you didn't know about this site when you did your first foray into truck driving, but you do now. Use the site. Read the school diaries. Ask questions. Do not make the same mistakes that you made the first time.

...um no.

Victor has been on this site for over 2 years and the same patterns we read then, haven't changed. I think one of the replies on this thread suggested his personality is toxic. Perhaps insulting to Victor, but unfortunately his replies to well-meaning advice and suggestions is obvious. He is very thinned skinned, and easily agitated. Doesn't seem to take constructive criticism well at all (we'll see how he replies to me).

Victor your attitude requires a serious adjustment. It sucks. It's your trainers fault? Holy crap man, how long ago was that? No, hell NO,... Victor it's all you. I emphatically instructed you to take ownership of your training when you were floundering. Swift makes it very easy to communicate issues via the Driver Development Manager. If your Mentor was not doing their job, and you failed to mention it to anyone in a position to help you, then you shoulder the burden of a sub-standard training experience. Take responsibility Victor..., for both your actions and in-actions. Own it!

You need to consider "it might be you". If you are not Coachable and Humble you'll never get past the rut you are currently in. These companies, PAM included, knows there is an elevated level of risk with you. Don't kid yourself, your margin of error with any company that gives you a chance will be very thin. If you DO NOT change your attitude and approach you will experience another quick exit. Accept that as fact; bring your "A game", keep your trap shut except to ask questions, and never waiver from an outwardly positive attitude.

For what it's worth...please read this: The Ego Becomes the Downfall of CDL Students. It might help you...and others. The ideas and thoughts presented in this article apply to anyone about to enter school and eliminate any false sense of reality.

Victor although you may not believe it, I want you to succeed. We all do.

G-Town I have missed you cause I know you know me REALLY well and yes your right. Somewhere in the comments I asked forgiveness for my defensiveness and that's for sure. My question to you is how do I become thick skinned? Like when I was going through counseling with my advisor Dan Stanley at School of Discipleship, he said that I needed to have thick skin and a soft heart. What does that exactly entail? I care about people both here on truckingtruth.com and outside of here but being thick skin has been foreign to me and I am not sure how to not allow things to hurt me easily which is why I lashed out earlier. Brett also knows this about me. Old School and I forget some of the others I have talked with. I came here last time when I had like I believe 4 tickets still on my record and then now I got 1 but it is so old that they don't care about it. They are checking my background right now. I think right now God is teaching me humility and how to be more vulnerable with people and to not have my walls up high with my fist ready to punch every time I get insulted or I "think" I got insulted.

By the way, GLAD TO SEE YOU G-TOWN! How is life treating you?

SD giving advice...

Maybe you didn't know about this site when you did your first foray into truck driving, but you do now. Use the site. Read the school diaries. Ask questions. Do not make the same mistakes that you made the first time.

...um no.

Victor has been on this site for over 2 years and the same patterns we read then, haven't changed. I think one of the replies on this thread suggested his personality is toxic. Perhaps insulting to Victor, but unfortunately his replies to well-meaning advice and suggestions is obvious. He is very thinned skinned, and easily agitated. Doesn't seem to take constructive criticism well at all (we'll see how he replies to me).

Victor your attitude requires a serious adjustment. It sucks. It's your trainers fault? Holy crap man, how long ago was that? No, hell NO,... Victor it's all you. I emphatically instructed you to take ownership of your training when you were floundering. Swift makes it very easy to communicate issues via the Driver Development Manager. If your Mentor was not doing their job, and you failed to mention it to anyone in a position to help you, then you shoulder the burden of a sub-standard training experience. Take responsibility Victor..., for both your actions and in-actions. Own it!

You need to consider "it might be you". If you are not Coachable and Humble you'll never get past the rut you are currently in. These companies, PAM included, knows there is an elevated level of risk with you. Don't kid yourself, your margin of error with any company that gives you a chance will be very thin. If you DO NOT change your attitude and approach you will experience another quick exit. Accept that as fact; bring your "A game", keep your trap shut except to ask questions, and never waiver from an outwardly positive attitude.

For what it's worth...please read this: The Ego Becomes the Downfall of CDL Students. It might help you...and others. The ideas and thoughts presented in this article apply to anyone about to enter school and eliminate any false sense of reality.

Victor although you may not believe it, I want you to succeed. We all do.

Okay well I am glad that so far my drivers record and dac apparently were cleared by Pam Transport and now they are just looking at my background. I applied to the student section of TMC and was told to call back tomorrow about it. I just need a basic refresher and you all know that better than I do. Hey whatever happened to Old School? I miss that man too! He was amazing.

What if they were none-ticketed and none-citated and preventable? They were not on my driving record. I went to DMV to get it too. Employer version

Your DAC report is different then your personal driving record, since it was done in a commercial vehicle it won't show up on your personal driving record, if I am not mistaking. But future employers at other trucking companies can view them on your DAC report and see when these accidents took place if they were reported by your previous company.

Go to hireright.com and get your own copy of your DAC report. You can do this for free once every year. Fill out the necessary information, and it will be mailed to you in less than two weeks. The DAC report is a driving score for CMV holders, just like a credit score for consumers. This is one of the important elements a prospective future employer is going to investigate prior to hiring.

*HINT*.....better make sure what one fills out on an application jives with what is on a DAC report. Tickets, accidents, former companies, etc.

Victor replied to my plea:

G-Town I have missed you cause I know you know me REALLY well and yes your right. Somewhere in the comments I asked forgiveness for my defensiveness and that's for sure. My question to you is how do I become thick skinned? Like when I was going through counseling with my advisor Dan Stanley at School of Discipleship, he said that I needed to have thick skin and a soft heart. What does that exactly entail? I care about people both here on truckingtruth.com and outside of here but being thick skin has been foreign to me and I am not sure how to not allow things to hurt me easily which is why I lashed out earlier. Brett also knows this about me. Old School and I forget some of the others I have talked with. I came here last time when I had like I believe 4 tickets still on my record and then now I got 1 but it is so old that they don't care about it. They are checking my background right now. I think right now God is teaching me humility and how to be more vulnerable with people and to not have my walls up high with my fist ready to punch every time I get insulted or I "think" I got insulted.

By the way, GLAD TO SEE YOU G-TOWN! How is life treating you?

Thank you for asking Victor. Likewise, although sad to see you are struggling. "That which doesn't kill us will ultimately will make us stronger...!" Dial-it-up a notch... OMG Man...although I've never met you, I really do know you. It's how we are all raised, isn't it?

Victor, I am no psychologist, but contrary to Southern Dad's assessment that you're "over confident", I actually think it's the polar opposite. You lack confidence and possibly expect to experience some level of failure. Please, tell me I'm FOS and I'll step back and rethink what I am about to say cause it's said out of concern and care. If you were the slightest bit confident in your abilities you would not be so quick to lash-out and project a defensive posture. Your thin-skinned nature is a direct result of that. STOP thinking this way. You are not a "F'up Victor", you have tons of "heart". And that's okay, and incredibly profound, because it's an unteachable ingredient for success at this. I think you have heart Victor. Don't forget that and learn to leverage it to your advantage. So the question is not so much about how to change your reactions to input and being thin-skinned, but how-to build up your confidence. I can only help indirectly, the rest is up to you. You need to dig really deep and focus.

Understand your demons and address them. All of them...and some of them you should consider before placing yourself back in the truck. Do not proceed into re-entry until you COMMIT to this. Commit to learning, doing whatever it takes to be a safe and eventually efficient operator. Commitment! You must also believe in yourself; believe that you can do this. Accept the fact you will make mistakes. It's inevitable. Own them, take responsibility, make a concerted effort to understand what lead up to it, think about it, adjust and do not dwell on the negativity associated with any mistake. Every mistake is a learning opportunity. Expect it...embrace the opportunity for improvement and NEVER blame others for them, especially your trainer.

Recognize those folks on here who are genuinely trying to help you, and ignore the rest. Not worth the energy. You've got bigger things to conquer. Take Banks for instance, he did not deserve the "smack-down" you replied with. I know that Dude, he's got heart, honest, and is one tough kid (well he is a kid to me, LOL). He rode with me for a day on a Walmart run...he listened to me, and I listened to him. The "listening" thing is equally important to having "heart". Anyway, that was two years ago...he overcame his own set of challenges, committed to this and worked very hard to arrive at where he is now. He is FedEx Doubles Driver. You should read his diary...learn from him, because he is in a completely different place than you are. A place you want to be... I would trust him driving next to me, descending one of the steep sections of I-81 under a load. No question. He earned that respect, listen to him Victor.

Read Banks diary: FedEx Driver Apprentice

So back to the "Confidence Thing". Victor my opinion, you need to take full advantage of any schooling, even beyond a typical refresher. Go back to what I wrote about commitment and confidence. Show a willingness to do whatever it takes...if that includes going through the entire 3 weeks of school, commit to it. Learn all there is, practice and work on your skills to elevate your confidence. Take advantage of every opportunity to practice on your weaknesses... Work hard at learning and practicing your skills.

We have our share of "posers" coming through this forum...you are not one of them and worth the effort. Listen to the advice offered and focus on the content of their message. May not always be what you want to hear, but what you need to hear. Read the dairies, read the Blog Articles (many of them are priceless). Keep filling your head with positive stuff...positive information, honest critique/assessment and reaffirm the belief that you will succeed. Confidence Victor...make it happen and do not look back.

Good luck and keep in touch with us...if for no other reason a sounding board.