First Few Months Trucker Wife - Am I Overreacting?

so, I'm new to these forums and I joined mostly because I have a job that keeps me on the road a lot. While I'm not pulling a trailer, I do IT contracting and that means go where the work is. In my experience, you cannot rush these things. In any job it takes a whole to get established, usually at least a year or so. I understand that being apart from a significant other is painful. I've had to go stints where it was 4 months or more before I could see my SO again. This is just my own personal opinion, but it seems like you are prioritizing short term over long term and in this day and age trying to swap jobs before even a year is up sends up a red flag for many employers. The best thing you can do in this case is set your eyes on the long term goals. The hardships you are going through now are a down payment on having a stable future. Rocking the boat at this point could cause problems down the road, not the least of which is you or your husband being flagged as a liability rather than an asset.

Amelia, I very, very much want to see your husband succeed in this industry, and I'd love to see you go out on the road with him and enjoy the hell out of life together. That's your goal, right? Well, you're almost there! It's well within reach!

You guys must stick with the long-term plan of establishing his career on solid ground if you want to make this happen, which means he should stay with CR England and complete his contract. That's the path. Do not veer from that plan or this entire dream might burn to the ground. If he fails to complete his contract and starts job-hopping this early in his rookie year he'll be labeled as "one of those guys" who won't live up to his word and will jump ship at the first sign of trouble. No one wants to hire someone like that.

So stick with the plan. Make sure he sticks with CR England and completes that contract.

Now you have a ton of things to take care of on your end if this dream is going to become a reality for you guys. Look at the list of things you can do to make this dream happen:

• Handle your situation at home
• Inspire your husband with confidence that you're handling things so he can be at his best for the challenges he's facing
• Lose the weight you're hoping to lose
• Get that sleep apnea study done
• Study our High Road CDL Training Program and go get your CDL permit

You have so much to do but you're wasting time worrying about CR England. Your husband is fine where he's at. Forget about that and get focused on what you have to do to make this happen.

Take care of your business at home while your husband handles his business on the road. Soon your opportunity will be here and it will be time to take action. So get yourself prepared now for the opportunity. Be a go-getter. Don't wait. Get that stuff done. You have no idea how quickly that opportunity will arrive. He'll be calling you very soon saying, "Ok, pack your bags. We're heading out!"

Will you be ready when that time comes? I'm certain you can do it, but it won't be easy. Be resourceful. Take action. Find a way to get that list knocked out so you can get out there with him and be ready for the opportunity.

I appreciate the resource you've built here immensely, but you don't know me, you don't know my husband, and you don't know my situation.

Amelia, we actually know quite a bit about you guys. You've told us a lot about yourselves. It's uncanny how often folks desperately want our help and advice until we start giving suggestions they don't consider as helpful. We absolutely know how to start an OTR trucking career, and as the two of you are discovering, it's not always easy.

Brett's most recent response to you was perfectly accurate. You need to focus on the things you can be doing to help get through this process. Your husband's focus has to be on becoming the best driver CR England has ever had. He has got to finish his contract. He needs to stop talking to recruiters.

I teach people about something I call "the tyranny of the urgent." You guys are falling into that trap. You're wanting a quick fix for a multitude of circumstances that you consider as pressing. You're allowing circumstances to command your focus rather than your goals. That's why I advocate Brett's latest advice.

He gave you a list of priorities. Each of them is oriented to help you achieve your end goal. None of them were quick fix shortcuts like quitting one job for another. Take his advice. It's meant sincerely. Get off that high horse that seeks advice and then brushes off the advice as lecturing.

We genuinely want to help people. We get no thrills from wasting our time or yours. We know exactly what you guys need to do to advance your husband's career and get to the point where the two of you can ride together. We've all made very successful careers at this.

I'll pass along the importance of not being seen as reliable if he doesn't finish his contract. That's another thing the recruiter said wasn't really an issue unless you were changing companies every few months, but again, recruiters. Someone actually hit his trailer and drove off while he was parked at Love's so he's stuck handling that as it is and stressed out so I won't mention it until he's calm and moving again. For now the idea of not being separated much longer is a bit of a lifeline for him. Either way, I know he won't stay with CRE past that year. He doesn't like the company and hasn't since schooling.

As for the rest, I'm not even going to bother engaging beyond this. Whatever it is you think you've gleaned from a brief outline, my statement stands. I'm looking for industry advice, not a commentary on what I should do with my marriage. That part is very solid and I resent, strongly, the implication that I cause my husband stress for personal reasons that I know, he knows, and you don't need to. How I manage my daily life is also between me and my husband and doctors. That is for my safety. What information I offered was by way of explaining why we'd even consider breaking a contract, no other reason. In future, I'll keep my personal information to myself, but please respect my wishes regarding what has been shared. Thank you.

I'm looking for industry advice, not a commentary on what I should do with my marriage

No one gave you advice about what to do with your marriage. I gave you advice about what you can do to help both of you be successful and reach your goals.

You gave us a laundry list of your problems, then asked us not to comment on them and acted as if we're overreaching. Please have enough discretion to keep things to yourself if you want them to remain private or don't want them included in our advice. Don't insinuate that we're prying or overreaching. We're here to discuss things with you. If you put things on the table for discussion, we'll discuss them.

You've gotten fantastic advice from a long list of highly successful, experienced professionals. We wish you the best of luck.

So JB Hunt made an offer and he's going through the orientation process now (finally got him home after offering to just drive a state over to pick him up). He's still going to see if CRE it's willing to match any of what Hunt offers, but I think he'll go with Hunt just for the vastly superior medical benefits. I get what you're saying about job-hopping - that's hardly a black mark specific to this industry - but honestly I think it would be beyond foolish to pass up an opportunity for better, stable pay and better benefits all around.

I appreciate the advice and support with such a tough decision!

I wish you guys luck with your situation, please keep us updated how it goes with JB Hunt and if as planned.

I get what you're saying about job-hopping - that's hardly a black mark specific to this industry - but honestly I think it would be beyond foolish to pass up an opportunity for better, stable pay and better benefits all around.

Amelia, I'm not sure you really get the point. Here's a scenario for you to consider. It's realistic - we see it often. Your man goes to J.B. Hunt; leaving the company that has invested good money in his training. He thumbs his nose at what they've done for him because he sees some really green grass over there at J.B. Hunt. Who could pass on an opportunity like this?

Now, at J.B. Hunt he's nobody. He's just another new guy who they are going to give a shot. Somewhere during his first two weeks he has a minor accident. Safety calls him in for a review and decides, "We are thinking we'd better go ahead and cut our losses. We're sorry, but it's just not working out for us."

Now he's in a pickle - nobody wants to touch him at this point. He's quit the folks who would have forgiven a minor accident because they had money invested in him. He's gotten fired by the company that seemed to have the really green grass. If that scenario plays out he's got a huge problem. No experience worth counting. Quit a job hastily. And fired for an accident. He's a pariah in the trucking world at that point.

That's what you need to be thinking about. That's worse than a "black mark." It's like being "Black Balled." I honestly hope you don't have to deal with that issue, but it's highly probable.

I certainly wish you all the best of luck, but also think this is a horribly short sighted risky move with a limited perceived gain, if any.

Hopefully it all works out.

For future readers... i think this thread is important for a bunch of reasons.

1.) The spouse at home is the one posting, and often the non-driver is concerned about a ton of issues they do not understand, nor have control over. The one with the control is the CDL holder, and it is best for the driver to post here for us to gain more accurate information to help.

2.) When discussing medical and mental health issues, the OP responded that her doctor already cleared her medication for a DOT card and CDL school. An important fact here: Every company can accept or reject a medication, regardless of how mild. Every company has the right to send you to their doctor, despite what yours says Therefore nothing is guaranteed.

3.) When dealing with depression, bipolar, PTSD or even blood pressure/diabetic issues... you must always put your own health first. Trucking is an incredibly stressful career that can easily trigger relapses. Poor diet and erratic sleep can reak havoc on your health. Think long and hard before coming on the road, even as a passenger.

4.) Fear, panic, and mistrust of your company or future company is unwarranted. What happens at the next company? the same.

5.) The OP did not understand the difficulty of returning the CRE truck at the end of thr JB Hunt orientation. You need to return the truck to the terminal CRE designates. So how is a driver going to drive X of miles and fly to the new company overnight in order to drive a load out of JB hunt? Truck abandonment can kill a career.

Finally, I am amazed at the good advice, patience, and understanding demonstrated in this thread. Great job guys!!!