Trainee In Need Of Encouragement

Yell at me or be condescending, and I suddenly feel incapable of anything. I know this is MY problem, can't really do much about an instructor's response in a potentially stressful situation. Can't change her personality or cure her narcissism......... I'm trying to do what goes completely against my normal m.o. That is I I'm trying to appeal to her ego, giving her small gifts and forcing myself to interact when I really just want to run away! It usually works for a time, but it also makes me feel like a schmuck. Day 9 of training, and I'm still afraid of up and downshifting. As soon as I have a small problem, I panic and then her anger makes it almost a crisis. Yesterday I decided I was going home. Didn't tell anyone, but now I'm trying to talk myself through this frustration and urge to flee. I DON'T want to be defeated. I need to mentally overcome my tendency to screw up when I'm trying hardest not to... and I need to look beyond the effect her anger has on me. This is temporary, right??!

Listen,I completely understand. My first trainer was kinda ok. Just didn't like feeling like an idiot when I'm with her and she completely showed I was being "slow" when it comes to following signs and backing the trailer. For some reason sometimes we tend to get,what's the word I'm looking? I can't think of it. But it's kinda similar to being bossy and having a big head. Not all women who training in this industry is like that. But if I were you,I wouldn't give up. You came to far to quit. Request another trainer asap!! AND I MEAN ASAP!! Just met my new trainer yesterday and he is completely amazing. I mean freaking amazing. He has been married for 30 YEARS (goals),has 2 kids and 3 grandbabies. Not being sexiest but I would rather train with a male. But since alot of problems come up with a male and female together in a truck. There are more male trainers afraid of training females. Hopefully I didn't spark anything with my comment, definitely not trying to, Seriously. But like I said plz don't give up. Request that you get switched out from her. Sending lots of luck your way

If you are in a private school then you are a paying customer and need to demand respect and training. Even if you are in a company sponsored program... You are still working off the debt. Put your foot down. No one there is paying your bills... Your CDL will do that. So toughen up, stand up and learn. You are going to have to stand up for yourself on the road so get used to it.

Realize that it can take some people 2 whole months to downshift properly. On the exam you get no more than 5 points for grinding gears as long as you dont stall and impede traffic.

Hang in there. It gets better once you are solo. Check out my blog articles and videos for inspiration.

And to Kearsey and Bubbles: Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your reassuring and common-sense filled replies. Somehow I never saw your replies until today, after all has been said and most has been done. I'm not sure why, because I remember LOOKING for a response about a month after I wrote it... thinking I'd have gotten a notification if anyone did reply. I am so sad that I didn't see these responses. I'd like to say that I would have followed your advice. But based on what I've learned about myself, I most likely would have done the same exact thing. But even after the fact, especially now that I KNOW you were both RIGHT ON with your advice, I feel so much gratitude for your words to my 2-months-ago-self.

Trucker Hugs,

Page McTruck

Ok, so, I did ALL the wrong things. I stuck it out and thought I'd made it. Though something told me not to assume anything, no matter how well it was going. Even when she told me I might get my new truck to drive for my last week of training..(I almost did! except when we saw it, she said she didn't know how to drive an automatic, and literally started crying). She had at LEAST three personalities, and I'm still not sure ANY of them had a grasp on reality.

So, I've decided that THE ONE BIG and FIRST mistake I made was not Noping out when I was told there was only one female trainer. Also, I didn't ask up front if I could have a Male trainer if it didn't work out. Wouldn't you know, the female trainer was instrumental in the decision to NOT allow Males to train females. Not only that, but only 2 of 6 or 7 trainees have made it past her. Most didn't stick out it out (smarter than I) but I was the second to make it to the very end, thinking we'd Done It! before her REAL MONSTER came out. Who knew the first three were just the baby monsters? YIKES!! I bailed the day before my supposed Last Day, leaving her in a Wisconsin Blizzard with no immediate plan to get home to Virginia! After a Canceled flight, I was BLESSED with the very last rental car. Literally, that car was not supposed to even leave the state! An Exception was made due to my traumatized demeanor, no doubt!!

I made it home on New Years Eve, feeling like she was probably in my trunk or something. I couldn't believe I was rid if her, and almost didn't care that I didn't know how I was going to explain why I left, or why I didn't leave. My only answer: you had to have been me, in that exact situation, to begin to understand how it all went down.

The LESSON as I see it: NEVER begin training OTR in a truck (or anything else probably) unless you know there's an OUT! In my case, the only OUT was quitting. (And for this I missed Christmas with my family?!)

Phew. Well, now I thank God have another chance. I'm basically all ready to go solo, but will GLADLY go back through another company's training, as my penance for being so selflessly determined, not to mention self-defeatingly HARD-HEADED! Also, I'm SURE there are lots of things I didn't learn. The last MONSTER in the END said it was because I wouldn't listen. I thought about this shocker almost the entire 1000 miles home, until I had a (TRUE) zinger response. In my recreated reality: "Well", I say in defiant retort, "I can't listen when there's nothing coming out of your mouth!" ..Literally, I'd be waiting for her to explain something...complete silence... And then she'd swear that she had been talking. Once she said, "oh, I said it in my head... I could have sworn I was saying it out loud."

I can't WAIT for my new company, my new trainer, and, VERY MUCH MOSTLY, the opportunity to pretend all this never happened!!!

With Trucker Love, Page McTruck

Ok, so, I did ALL the wrong things. I stuck it out and thought I'd made it. Though something told me not to assume anything, no matter how well it was going. Even when she told me I might get my new truck to drive for my last week of training..(I almost did! except when we saw it, she said she didn't know how to drive an automatic, and literally started crying). She had at LEAST three personalities, and I'm still not sure ANY of them had a grasp on reality.

So, I've decided that THE ONE BIG and FIRST mistake I made was not Noping out when I was told there was only one female trainer. Also, I didn't ask up front if I could have a Male trainer if it didn't work out. Wouldn't you know, the female trainer was instrumental in the decision to NOT allow Males to train females. Not only that, but only 2 of 6 or 7 trainees have made it past her. Most didn't stick out it out (smarter than I) but I was the second to make it to the very end, thinking we'd Done It! before her REAL MONSTER came out. Who knew the first three were just the baby monsters? YIKES!! I bailed the day before my supposed Last Day, leaving her in a Wisconsin Blizzard with no immediate plan to get home to Virginia! After a Canceled flight, I was BLESSED with the very last rental car. Literally, that car was not supposed to even leave the state! An Exception was made due to my traumatized demeanor, no doubt!!

I made it home on New Years Eve, feeling like she was probably in my trunk or something. I couldn't believe I was rid if her, and almost didn't care that I didn't know how I was going to explain why I left, or why I didn't leave. My only answer: you had to have been me, in that exact situation, to begin to understand how it all went down.

The LESSON as I see it: NEVER begin training OTR in a truck (or anything else probably) unless you know there's an OUT! In my case, the only OUT was quitting. (And for this I missed Christmas with my family?!)

Phew. Well, now I thank God have another chance. I'm basically all ready to go solo, but will GLADLY go back through another company's training, as my penance for being so selflessly determined, not to mention self-defeatingly HARD-HEADED! Also, I'm SURE there are lots of things I didn't learn. The last MONSTER in the END said it was because I wouldn't listen. I thought about this shocker almost the entire 1000 miles home, until I had a (TRUE) zinger response. In my recreated reality: "Well", I say in defiant retort, "I can't listen when there's nothing coming out of your mouth!" ..Literally, I'd be waiting for her to explain something...complete silence... And then she'd swear that she had been talking. Once she said, "oh, I said it in my head... I could have sworn I was saying it out loud."

I can't WAIT for my new company, my new trainer, and, VERY MUCH MOSTLY, the opportunity to pretend all this never happened!!!

With Trucker Love, Page McTruck

Page, I just want you to know .. I've read this.. and I'm sorry for what you've been through, yet HAPPY AS HECK for your up & comings!

Carry on, m'lady.

Hope this time is a 'final round' of success for you!!

Be safe; keep plugging along~!!

~ Anne ~

ps: If you could share your before & aft companies, it would be helpful to OTHER up & comings, in our profession.. and help the pros on here, help YOU better.

As you see fit, or not; CARRY ON! Kudos for sure!

Was this company training or independent school that you paid for? While it sounds like you have a new company with schooling, if you went to a company paid school, you need to check what they are doing about being paid for the time training you did with them. It can stop you from being hireable with another company.

Laura