Prime Inc - Flatbed/Reefer - CDL Trainee

Most welcome, good sir! On behalf of the NEWBIES coming into Trucking Truth, I THANK YOU!

NOW, go enjoy the Holidays, and let us know what life as a DRIVER throws at ya, from here on out!

Thanks so much Anne!

This forum is going to be BLOOMING this New Year; and I'm excited for ya!!!

~ Anne ~

The saga continues... my experience with TNT (over the road team training 30k miles) and a reversal of fortune/mental health issues.

I had intended for my last post (1y3m back!) to be my final word on Prime. As of today, I realize there is more to this story that needs to be told. Please stay tuned for posts where I discuss in-depth my experience OTR and my return to Prime after a self-imposed mental health sabbatical.

As always, feel free to ask any questions relevant to the content of this diary.

~Moose

DMV issue... back and forth to Utah!

One part of the story I left out deliberately a year ago had to do with a minor and yet taxing fiasco to finalize my CDL. I'm going to keep this brief. This post is purely to remind you that you should try to keep your head up and stay positive even when it feels like the world is closing in on you.

I told you passed my CDL. I didn't tell you that the DMV tester in SLC made an error submitting my finalized paperwork. This guy is an absolute professional, so I honestly wasn't worried. I'm not blaming here. This is just a post to maintain the truth (trucking truth?) of what ACTUALLY went down, just in case someone else has this happen to them.

Here goes:

My California drivers license # was input into the DMV system Prime uses incorrectly. This created a delay which I was quickly informed would set me back for an 'indefinite' amount of time. I asked the Safety Manager how long 'indefinite' is in his mind and he said: days, weeks, months. And then he suggested that I retake the most stressful exam of my life for the second time. After all, I had passed this exam, I was good to go, right?

My paranoia shot thru the roof as I replayed the tape of me signing off my successfully passing my DMV drivers test in the pad office ... using a #2 pencil to sign my name. I don't know if this protocol is still in effect, but I was told by the DMV tester this is how things are done. I had to swallow my knowledge of the United States legal system and believe him. After all, this document is being scanned and forwarded to a government entity. Something did not sit right. Especially when after a few days of waiting for this problem to be resolved, the guy who administered my driving test and failed to properly input my data into the computer system (even though this guy is really sharp; accidents happen!) asked me in a very casual way if I wouldn't mind 'just' repeating the behind the wheel DMV exam for the second time. Let this sink in for a moment and imagine it's you.

I lost my ****. Honest. I had already driven back to CA (the state I was no longer living in) and paid for multiple nights in a hotel in Sacramento, CA so that I could finalize my CDL and drive myself back to Salt Lake City, UT. My friends who passed their DMV drive test were now at home with their CDL in hand and waiting comfortably with their family enjoying a PAID holiday as they waited for a TNT trainer to be assigned to them.

Meanwhile, replaying the events in my head over and over, I sped back to Salt Lake City, UT and initiated my own investigation of where my application was in the intrastate databank so that I could get me CDL. I ended up calling all concerned parties and calling Utah DMV and California DMV to figure out exactly what was going on. Paranoia at this point had developed into a fully-fledged meltdown. I honestly believed that they were manipulating documentation using pencil signature paperwork to push students thru who could NOT pass by utilizing honest exams (mine) in place. To be frank: this is highly plausible. It did not set well in me. I was urged by pad trainers and the DMV tester once more to 'just' take the exam again. The most stressful exam of my life. WTF.

Long story short, through my own investigation and urging relevant parties (and going over lots of Prime heads I probably should not have gone above), I was finally able to book a flight to LA, grab an Uber to the commercial DMV, and obtain my CDL. I felt redeemed. I felt ashamed for believing Prime was engaging in unscrupulous tactics. With a grin plastered on my face, I Ubered back to LAX (airport) and flew back to Salt Lake City all in one very stressful, taxing, exhausting day. I also did all of this on my own dime (-$600). I didn't press this issue with Prime because I was so thrilled to be done and have my commercial drivers license in hand. But in truth, this really ****ed me off. If I hadn't taken action and gone over the heads of the parties involved, I am certain I would have been stuck in the Ramada Inn waiting for weeks or months before I finally broke down and just did what the DMV tester and Safety Director requested me to do.

Take from this story what you want. My advice is, when you get caught in a bureaucratic krap-shoot, keep your calm (it's hard; really hard!), and focus on each step that you can take to solve the problem you are facing. No one else in my cohort had to deal with this, to my knowledge. Maybe this is the price of being a stand-out student? I don't wish to think ill of Prime because on the whole I believe it is a really good company. My upcoming posts should clarify this, so please don't see this as me fear mongering. It's just the truth... trucking truths are sometimes painful and irritating and downright inhuman. This is one such example.

Limerence.

There's a lack of discussion about mental health issues. Virtually EVERY person I met in my cohort had some issues that merit medication/therapy or some kind of major intervention.

I lost my spouse to cancer in December 2020. It ruined me. I felt like a shell of human.

I met a couple wonderful people while living at the Ramada Inn and slaving away daily on the 'Pad' in Salt Lake City. One of these folks I felt some deep connection with that I could not describe. I was madly in love. I had just lost my spouse. I was still having crying fits on a fairly regular basis. If you lose your best friend and spouse, trust me, you're going to disconnect from reality. It's unreal. I fell in love with someone who was a reminder of someone I lost. And this was happening while I was honestly trying my best to focus on obtaining my CDL , get OTR training and begin my career.

I don't know how to summarize this but if you feel these things, don't be afraid. Be kind to yourself. Humans have an infinite capacity to love. This turned into an obsession I suddenly I felt like I wasn't myself. Right around Thanksgiving I departed from the person I was when I came to Prime for my first day. I felt like I was caught in an emotional vortex. I'll talk about this in more detail because honestly mental health issues are suppressed in the United States, and they shouldn't be. Sometimes we become broken humans who need a little bit of help.

I fell 'in limerence' with someone that I felt safe being around while learning lots of new skills and taking on all kinds of stressors I hadn't imagined. It built me up and destroyed me all at once. I was no longer Moose. I was someone or something else. I felt detached from the universe as if I were out of my mind and just watching myself from a distance. The person I developed this emotional attachment with wasn't even the kind of person I would ordinarily be attached to. I would learn many months later that people who survive traumatic events (watching your best friend and spouse slowly die from chemical interventions to treat cancer) often find themselves in this 'head space' for a period of time. Be kind to yourself. We're all human. We like to think we're all in control of ourselves with logic and reasoning. But when the cards are dealt and you have to face the music of what's really happening, life will put you through a trance and you will come out a better person on the other side, but not before going through a personal hell that no one on this earth could possibly imagine.

Continue reading about my misadventures with TNT...