New Trucking Family, New To TT

Your posts are a wealth of information for women who are sending their partners off to school. Most of the time they don't think anyone else understands what they re going thru....so YOU are the one who will show them that all the things that go on, and the feelings they are feeling, are NORMAL !!! You will be doing a great service to those who come behind you. When your hubby gets on the road, you need to get one of those huge school maps of the US...so your kids can "pin him" across the states. We did this for a class we adopted in NJ....We had that class for over 12 years...and the best time was when we visited the school, and let the kids climb all over and thru the truck !! We sent post cards from the states we went thru, and I kept Heather, the teacher updated everyday on where the truck was...But its a great educational tool, and every states has some history that you can discuss with the kids....cool stuff !! You will know your a true truckers wife when you start asking hubby to bring you oranges from FL, vidalia onions from GA, melons from CA, apples from WA, and stuff like that.... I've done it...those vidalia onions are like no other....but they don't travel well....

Thanks so much for your encouragement Starcar! I am trying to include the details that I wanted to know when I first began scouring the web for advice about this new lifestyle.

When your hubby gets on the road, you need to get one of those huge school maps of the US...so your kids can "pin him" across the states.

I have a map all picked out when I can afford it on Amazon. It is a National Geographic map that includes lots of cities and all the major truck routes. It is a steal at $25, but i have to have the extra $25 first...lol.

My trucker and I got to talking about money last night. When it comes right down to it. The money was the biggest deciding factor for us when it came to choosing this career. The pay-scales in this industry are complicated and it makes it hard to compare pay between companies.

My trucker gets paid a flat, per-day driving wage while he is on a trainers truck (another 2 1/2 weeks at least before that starts). When he goes solo, he gets a certain cents per mile (cpm) paid either "straight" or "per-diem". Although I am no expert, the way I understand it is that the IRS allows a trucker a set amount per day as a deduction at the end of the year for food, housing, and entertainment. With "straight pay" the driver is responsible for tracking and claiming this amount. With "per-diem" pay the company reports a certain cpm as non-taxable pay, supposedly to simplify filing at the end of the year. He also has a choice between "hhg" miles or "practical" miles. HHG milage is (a mystery!?!) a system that is developed by the American Moving and Storage Association (AMSA). It basically rounds off the number of miles driven by calculating the nearest route to the destination that a truck could take. Practical miles are the shortest practical route from point a to point b. Hub miles aren't offered with this company. In addition to cpm pay in any combination of the above factors, his company offers small cpm bonuses for meeting certain performance and safety related goals. These are paid in different amounts weekly, quarterly, and yearly. Finally there are flat rates paid for holidays, loading/unloading, stops, detention (hrly), and down-time (repairs/maintenence on truck).

While we discussed his pay potential we had a hard time figuring out exactly how much to expect. Before he left we made a decision on his truck budget (money for his own living expenses on the road) and the household budget. It was important to us to have a clear view of how much it would cost him just to work this job. It was a hard figure to agree on. Too little money will leave him uncomfortable, poorly fed, and unprepared for an emergency. Too much money will create a hardship at home and completely defeat the whole purpose of pursuing trucking to start with. We settled on an amount that seemed similar to the budgets of other comfortable drivers.

At the end of the day, the money he sends home will be the deciding factor on whether all this time away and distance between us is worth it. We are still wondering (but hopeful) if this industry will allow us to meet out financial goals.

I am still learning so much about this industry every-day! It s certainly unlike any other :) Thanks so much for listening!

His first year shouldn't be a sounding board for his ability to earn..as he will make more cpm , and probably do better miles, more bonuses his 2nd and 3rd year. AND, after a year of driving, he can move on to any other company, that may pay better. When you are talking per diem vs straight...take the straight. The IRS has a set amount per day for working away from home. what you basically keep track of thru the year is the days he IS home....take that off of 365 days, and that gives you the days, times the IRS amount, that you use as a deduction ....I never trust companies doing the per diem thing....

Thanks for the tips on pay Starcar.

One neat thing about his company is they offer an extra paid vacation week per year for those that choose the per diem option. Also the paid holidays aren't included in straight pay. They definitely make per diem sound attractive, but we have a couple more weeks before we have to make a "final" decision.

I am still in the dark as far as practical vs hhg miles. they sound so very similar. Any insight on that?

Yesterday my trucker got to go on the road with half of his class and an instructor. He drove first and he said he did really well. He got his first taste of actual traffic. He said he got a little nervous with so many four-wheelers zooming around him and cutting back and forth across his lane. At one point he had to get across two lanes in the heavy traffic to make an exit. He made it through fine though and he says he is really enjoying it. His homework was to trip plan the next run with his group. They had to decide the order they were to drive and where they were to stop to change drivers/fuel. They are pulling a load to their destination and bringing an empty trailer back.

I had an appointment that I couldn't get out of yesterday and had to get a sitter for my kids. They had a long weekend because of the Easter holiday. Thankfully my mom was up for a houseful of kids and took them for me. The first of many times I will need someone to help with our kids.

Prior to his leaving for training, he and I arranged our schedule so that one of us would always be with the kids. Daycare is uber expensive and we don't really have friends that would babysit. My mother has been the only other adult with the kids for several years and then only once or twice a year. It will take some adjustment on my part to coordinate with my mother for those times I can't bring my kids along.

As a result of my man's busy day, we didn't talk as long as we usually have. This gives me a peek into what our communication will be like on the road after he goes solo. When he is solo, his schedule will revolve around what loads he pulls, where they have to go, and when. I am trying to mentally prepare myself for the times his schedule and mine clash.

I did get a bit of good news though. My man has nearly convinced his instructor to let them run to the terminal here close to home. His instructor is trying to see if there is a load that needs to come this way. My trucker asked if I could please bring "us" some lunch if they get to come. I asked if "us" meant he and I. He paused and said "well, and the guys....". LOL. I told him to let me know if they plan the trip, then I'll put something together for his group. Why not?? I did tell him we didn't need to make feeding the whole lot a habit :). I am seriously considering taking the kids out of school and bringing them along to the terminal. I don't want them to miss school or getting to see their dad (torn). Not to mention that a terminal isn't exactly the place for a bunch of kids. It is a business, not a playground. It is going to require some mulling over.

My son mowed the lawn yesterday afternoon. He is really maturing. My man gave him a "man of the house" talk before he left and explained that he wanted him to help with the tasks that he would normally help with. I am so proud of my boy!

As always I appreciate the listening ear (reading eyes?!?) :)

It seems that my trucker and I have fallen into a comfortable routine. He focuses on school. I take care of home and share it all with him through our private facebook group. We talk in the afternoons and in the evening before the kids bedtimes. It is working for the both of us.

Yesterday my trucker and his group went on a 3 1/2 hour (1 way) trip with a light load. My man drove second (six guys needed to drive). They planned the trip so that they would avoid traffic from the major metropolitan area that the school boarders. they arrived on time and pulled an empty back to the terminal where the school is located. Everything went well and my trucker says he feels like this was the thing he was always meant to do. I am so proud of my man!

I had a moment of jealousy yesterday, but thankfully, kept it to myself and got over it pretty quickly. My man was telling me about a conversation he had with a female desk clerk. He was talking about how long he was to be away from home there in the hotel and on a trainers truck. He said he told her about our facebook group and how I was holding it all down at home. It was irrational to be jealous of a polite conversation he had with an employee of the hotel, but I was envious that some random woman got to look into my man's eyes, smell his cologne, and have a conversation while I have to wait several more weeks (probably) to have the same experience. I know that my man will be faithful to me because he isn't wired to be a cheater. I am going to have to lighten up and remember that he has to talk to ALL kinds of people, women included...lol

I had myself a little adventure yesterday. A friend and I went out on a local lake (about 20 min away) with her kayaks. I had never been on a boat before (other than a ferry) and it was so much fun. It was a very relaxing experience (and a great workout). I enjoyed the get away and it was very rejuvenating. I needed to have some fun to relieve the tension of all the new adjustments and missing my man. Of course he was on my mind the whole time.

Today my man is going out to do some mountain driving with his group. I pray they have a great and SAFE day.

Thanks for listening :)

Your hubby sounds like he has found his stride.... Thats a great thing !! He doesn't sound stressed, or worried about any part of his training, or being behind...That is what most students lose sleep over. But it helps that you two have found common ground, and a nice system that works for you both. Taking the "guys" a meal is a nice idea...Men are so easily bought off with good food...lol. I would say, sadly..that I wouldn't take you kids to the terminal..Its not only a business, but a busy place, with trucks going every which way. Its to hard to pay attention to your hubby, and try and watch the kids too. Jealousy is a vicious thing...especially for truckers and their spouses. I am not a jealous person, so I have never understood people who go nuts with jealousy. But think about it...your hubby BRAGS about you !!! If she is smelling his cologne, and looking into his eyes...SHE is jealous of YOU !!!!!! mores the pity for her...you know your hubby is solid faithful...SO don't waste your time being jealous...when you should be proud...as proud of him as he is of you.....

Thanks Starcar!

In trying to be completely honest, I let my less desirable traits show (like occasional irrational jealousy...lol) and it isn't pretty, but it is real. You are 100% right that I should feel flattered. I know my man loves me to the ends of the earth and our relationship means more to him than anything (except our kids).

My "maybe" on his getting close to home turned into a definite "no" yesterday afternoon. There just wasn't anything that needed to come to that terminal today. I have read accounts of other women's disappointments on the "maybes". Thankfully, I didn't set my hopes too high and I didn't say anything to our kids about it. Tomorrow they begin backing practice, so no chance of getting close tomorrow either. Oh, well. He'll be home when he gets home or in 6 1/2 weeks, whichever comes first.

My man did mountain driving with his group yesterday. He said it reminded him of the roads here where we live. He really enjoyed getting to drive a 13% grade with the jakebrake! He said it is amazing how powerful the jakebrake is and he got a good feel for it. He is really loving that truck. He said the hardest part was having to sit and ride while the other guys got a chance to drive. :)

When they returned to the school/terminal, he got to meet a man that works for the company, a youtube-er that we watched while he was considering trucking as a career. He said the man was just as nice in person as he was in his videos. He told him how much we both enjoyed his videos and had a nice conversation with him.

Several of my man's classmates have already been assigned trainers and are communicating with them by phone. One of the guys (married) has been assigned a female trainer. She has a reputation for being an excellent driver, trainer, and very professional. She is going to meet him and his wife at their home to pick him up for training. My man said that the guy and his wife were comfortable with it after learning about the type of person she was. My man, however, told his instructor that he couldn't have a female trainer. My man is no misogynist, (female truckers rock!...lol) but would not feel comfortable sharing close quarters with another woman. He was assured that there is no other female trainer available on his training timeline, so it is certain that he will be paired with a male trainer. My man is a bit concerned that he hasn't been assigned a trainer yet, but he is doing well in class, will ultimately graduate from the program, and they will find him a trainer soon. He says the hold up is likely due to the fact that the company wants to find him a trainer that is out of the terminal closest to home. He has communicated to the instructor that he will accept any trainer that can take him, no matter where their "home" terminal is. He really wants to get through driving with a trainer ASAP and into his own solo truck.

He expressed some concern that his training pay is going to be low and he won't be able to send very much money home. I re-assured him that any amount sent home is more than the 0ZERO0 that we are currently receiving. I don't want him to stress about the money! I am prepared for the hardships that will continue for some time. We are much better off than some. We have food, we are not losing our home, he have transportation, I can pay the electric bill. We are blessed. One of the other students' wife got a final eviction notice his first week of school. He had to go home over the weekend and move the whole household in with a relative. This is the story of several soon-to-be truckers getting into the industry and we are so fortunate that he doesn't have that kind of stress to deal with on top of the lifestyle change.

Last night I got to imagining what it will be like when he finally gets to come home. I took the time to write out a menu of his favorite foods and a few fun things we could do together here at home. I am NOT making out a "honey, do" list for him. When he comes home I just want him to be able to enjoy it, his time with the kids, and his time with me. Thinking about home-time of course leads to thinking about when he has to leave again. I also made myself some notes about things to send with him when he goes.

I miss him so much. I swiped a couple of his t-shirts and have been keeping one over his pillow beside me on our bed. At night I cuddle it and it makes me feel close to him. I think about how casual it used to be when I could just turn over and put my arms around him and my head on his chest. Oh, the things we take for granted! I can't wait until I can do just that.

Thanks so much for continuing to listen. I am grateful to TT for giving me a place to air it all out! :)

Such a busy day for our family yesterday!

My son had a dental appointment first thing. I sent his sisters off to school and went over on our own. We scheduled a follow-up visit for him to have some minor dental work taken care of.

I was a bit behind, so after dropping him off at school I had to backtrack home and finish my grocery list (it was grocery day). While looking at my finances I realized that I didn't have enough money to buy food for our dog. I had fed her the last of it in the morning and had to reach out to my mother for help.

Getting a job in the trucking industry isn't like getting a regular "around-town" job. It takes much longer to start earning when you are starting with no experience. It is considered a low-skilled job, however it requires a high level of skill and professionalism in order to be safe and successful. The effort required to learn the industry and equipment is similar to many other skilled trades. The sum of this is you can't get started today and get a paycheck next week (and the Department of Labor needs to re-examine it's label of the trucking industry).

Financial hardship (unless you have had another profitable career and savings to use) is a certainty for the first couple of months. Although we are managing with help from our family, it is hard to keep going to them and putting my hand out to ask for help. It will be such a relief when my man starts getting paid and I can repay those that have lent financial support when we have so desperately needed it.

I had housework to do and got a start on some gardening. Along the way I discovered pumpkins growing in my flower garden. In the fall I set my children's Halloween pumpkins (whole uncarved) in the garden and allowed them to rot there with the intention that it would enrich the soil. They were turned under about three weeks ago. I wanted to tell my man right away about my accidental pumpkins, but alas, I had only facebook to tell (through our private group). Whenever something happens that I want to show him, I reach for my camera. Having this kind of outlet makes me feel closer to him over the distance.

My trucker called a little later than usual and I was so eager to talk to him. I always ask him about his day before I start catching him up on ours and our conversation went something like this:

me: "Hi Baby!" him: "Hi" me: "How was your day?" him: "Good" me: "What did y'all do today?" him: "Drove" me: "Where did y'all go?" him: "Around"

This was so much different from the other conversations we had and I pressed him for more information. He just kept giving me these short one or two word answers. I was starting to feel like I was talking to my teenagers instead of my man. He got a little frustrated with me and finally started to give a little more detail. They drove a lot of back country roads and a little more mountainous areas. He said "everyone was a little off today" and then quickly wanted to speak to the children because one of the guys was supposed to come to his room and get him to go to Wal-Mart. I handed him over and the children talked to him. He seemed relaxed and unhurried when he spoke to each one. He got off the phone with the promise to call back later.

I was a little puzzled when we got off the phone. IMHO I have been supportive, understanding, and strong for him. I stay positive. I don't nag or complain. I had the impression that he just didn't want to talk to me. My mind was all over the place for a little while. Why was he in such a hurry? It wasn't like the guy was at the door waiting for him to go. Maybe he didn't want me to hear the voice of the person coming to the room? Is it a woman? Maybe he is heading out to Hooters for dinner (one is nearby the hotel) with the guys and he doesn't want me to know because he thinks I'd be mad? My mind was going and I was thinking all kinds of crazy things!

I decided that I needed to SLOW DOWN. He was probably having a crappy day and it was effecting his mood. Not everything is about me....lol. He is human, he is going to have a bad day from time to time.

My rationalizing turned out to be true. When he called back a while later he was ready to talk about the day. He said that most of the guys were struggling with the truck today. He was not satisfied with his own performance because he had a hard time shifting through some turns. He forgot to take his allergy medicine in the morning and spent the whole day with itchy eyes, a runny/congested nose, and a dry itchy throat. He had decaff coffee instead of regular coffee hoping to lessen his necessary bathroom breaks and although it helped with that, he felt like he wasn't as energized and AWAKE as he usually is. The other guys had several mistakes too and it sounded like it was a stressful day all around.

He was also stressing over his money. He said that every place they have stopped is so expensive. He wasn't well prepared for the "on the road" week and ended up spending more than he intended to eat lunches. He still has enough to get through, but he is disappointed that he won't have as much surplus as he was hoping when he finally gets on the trainer's truck.

When we got off the phone, I was so thankful that I hadn't become reactionary and set in on him with accusations about his motives. It is so easy to slip into a negative mindset and assume that something bad is going on. Acting this way would be so bad for our relationship and his career.

Thanks for Listening! :)

My man began backing practice on the range at the terminal/school yesterday. He said that things went pretty well and, like most skills he has been introduced to, backing is coming along well. The backing portion of the training will continue on through the last week of school. The guys have to learn straight backing, alley backing, serpentine backing, and parallel parking.

My man posted a few pictures from the range on our private facebook. I was like a little kid, excited and in wonderment of all the neat "truck stuff". He had a scary moment though when he was exiting the truck he dropped his phone to the ground below. The back came off and dirt got all inside and he had a hard time getting it cleaned out. It still worked for him, but he was sure he had broken it all together when it happened. Thank goodness it didn't, a new cell phone is not in the budget right now.

He still hasn't heard from a trainer, but he estimates that about 1/3 of the class is still waiting to be assigned. If he performance hadn't been so good, I might worry, but i'm grateful that the company takes the tme to find a match that they believe will fit.

He was so very tired yesterday evening. He said he wasn't even sure he was going to attempt dinner. He hadn't ate by the time I spoke to him for the last time, but I encouraged him to fill his belly and I sure hope he did. Going hungry will just make him feel more lethargic.

I had a very empowering moment yesterday. I have a cat that just loves to chew cords and my son had recently bought a new game controller. He or one of the other children left it out and the cat happily chewed through the wire. My man is always the handy one that knows how to fix things like that. I on the other hand usually just set these things to the side until he can get to it. I decided that I was going to fix it myself. I talked the project through with my man on the phone the night before. He gave me a basic idea of how to do it and where the tools to do so were located. I came in from my gardening (relocating those accidental pumpkins :) ) and pulled out everything I needed for the project. An hour later I had a repaired and fully functional game controller. Yay, me!! I was so excited I even did a little dance (scared the dog to death I think she may have thought I was having a seizure...lol).

So far, I am embracing my handier side. I don't want my man to spent all of his hometime working on projects that I could attempt on my own. It is a real confidence boost to "take matters into my own hands" and get something done.

I heard a song yesterday that really spoke to me. It was a super sappy love song and it brought tears to my eyes. I had to sit on the bed and hug my man's t-shirt covered pillow and cry a while and just miss him. Being apart can be like a roller-coaster ride, sometimes. One minute I'm doing the happy dance because I got something accomplished on my own, the next I'm hugging his pillow and crying. Missing him is always going to be part of the equation. I give myself permission to cry and hurt sometimes, but not to dwell on it. When the song was over, I wiped away my tears, made a cup of tea, and moved on to the next thing.

My man is going to be the only student in the hotel again over the weekend. I hope it is better for him than the last one was. It breaks my heart to hear him down in the dumps. He will be heading back to the terminal to do some laundry at least, so he will have a few drivers here and there to talk to. We will try to talk more over the weekend too, but today he is sleeping in and I won't hear from him until at least 10 or so.

As always I appreciate the opportunity to share my experience. :)

Yesterday was a bit busy for me, but not so much for my man.

He is the only student in the hotel again this weekend. Like last weekend, spending the day in the hotel room (bored) made him home sick.

I went to my mother's house for our belated Easter gathering. The kids and I had a nice time and enjoyed our visit.

I was missing my man a lot too yesterday, so when we talked that evening I just didn't want to let him get off the phone. He says it feels weird running out of things to talk about and just sitting on the phone. As far as I'm concerned, I don't mind. I still see it as spending time with him, even if we don't have much to talk about.

Over time, I guess we will have more conversations that go that way. Since we talk everyday at least twice and I post lots of updates to our private facebook about what is going on at home, we aren't missing much of what is going on with each other. As a result, our lengthy phone conversations stray to small talk and other less important subjects. I have read other women's accounts of their experience that say they will just sit and watch T.V. "together" with their man while on speaker phone and they enjoy hearing the room noise around them. I think I am going to end up this way as well. Knowing he is right there on the other end of the phone makes me miss him less.

He told me he may come home before he meets up with his trainer and if so that is only 1 1/2 more weeks!! I am keeping this news to myself until we know more. I don't want to get the kid's hopes up too high when he could still get a trainer straight from school. A week and a half is a long time for planning ahead in trucking....lol

He is calling a few relatives and friends today to catch up on how they are doing and heading out to the terminal/school to do his laundry. Tomorrow begins a full week of backing practice and the last week of the "school" portion of his training.

Thanks for listening!