PSA, DO NOT ASSUME THE FEMALE DRIVER NEEDS OR WANTS YOUR HELP

Three states away* (curses the lack of edit button)

Sometimes we talk about truckstop etiquette or fuel island etiquette etc.

There is also an “etiquette” for offering assistance. The male driver violated etiquette and made her feel uncomfortable.

The first time in my career another driver offered to help me with a difficult backing maneuver, he first came up to my window and very kindly asked if I wanted help. I said yes, I would welcome his help. When we were done he explained that he always asks first because he has offered to help drivers who just don’t want any help for one reason or another. I have always tried to follow his example of courtesy.

In this day and age women drivers are still a minority in the industry. I can’t blame them for keeping up their guard. They deserve the utmost respect and consideration.

And I’m sure in this case, NaeNae didn’t use any curse words. Lol

Three states away* (curses the lack of edit button)

The "three states away" argument is hard to beat. I have helped other drivers, but only #1 if they seem to be in "trouble" and #2, I ask first. The last thing a million miler needs when they are in a tight spot is some pipsqueak rookie like me asking if they need help.

Trucking is still culturally male dominated. If you feel your wannabe helper was more trying to make time with you, yes, kick his hiney out the door. Others have pointed out that they help others just to be helpful. None of us here can know your story. You feelings about being quite adequate to do your job is on that razor blade edge.

PS: Use the "Preview" button for one last read. Even with that, I missed a spelling this afternoon.

Perhaps I'm cynical but, there is generally one primary underlying motivation when a man interacts with a woman, even if they are not aware of it. Especially in this industry where females are a bit of a rare sight.

You can't simply erase thousands of years of evolutionary programing. Males are programed to pursue, females programmed to elicit attention. Now in civilized modern day western society, we strive to use our cognitive function to overcome our base instincts, bur obviously, it doesn't always happen.

I can see how this would be pretty frustrating and uncomfortable for a gal to deal with. And I'd be willing to bet that the guy probably was indeed motivated primarily by instinct, even if he was not aware or only barely aware of it.

Happens frequently to my wife, she's attractive, and European with an accent. I just take it with a grain of salt. Obviously, if someone is being rude or inappropriate towards her, I deal with it, but it's just life. Despite all of our efforts to rid ourselves of our instincts, they're still there. Glad that you have dogs and hopefully measures to defend yourself.

Perhaps I'm cynical but, there is generally one primary underlying motivation when a man interacts with a woman, even if they are not aware of it. Especially in this industry where females are a bit of a rare sight.

Oh please

The fact that he RECOGNIZED ME from two states away, down to what shirt I was wearing, turns a situation from something that could have been friendly and a reciprocation of help, to something seriously uncomfortable.

Just playing devils advocate here but not necessarily. Obviously he creeped you out so likely there was more going on in this case but for what it’s worth I’ve recognized other drivers similarly plenty of times. It’s not hard to recognize a female driver you saw a day or two earlier when the vast majority of drivers are male.

I do think this whole thread is a prime example of why guys should be aware of how they come across when interacting with a female driver though. No need to tiptoe around, but maybe don’t go messing with the trailer when the driver is sitting in her truck doing paperwork. It’s common sense (or should be).

First you made it all about how some jackwagon assumed you, a female, needed help with your landing gear (that is the title of your post, you know), and how upset you were that he, a male, put his hands on your truck. Then, when it was correctly pointed out that some people just like to help with no underlying motive, you made it about the fact that he recognized you in some perceived creepy way. Big deal.

Well, which is it?

If you have a problem with men, or with men helping you, that's your business and totally acceptable. But human nature should be to help each other out, and I'm not going to stop doing that, even if it offends some people.

My bottom line, as RealDiehl said:

If nothing else I hope people reading this at least gather that from this thread—don’t assume things and don’t touch another driver’s equipment without their express knowledge and/or consent.

But human nature should be to help each other out, and I'm not going to stop doing that, even if it offends some people.

I agree. And I have to say, if the worst thing that happened in a person's day is that someone tried to help them out, even if the person's intentions were not purely innocent, they've had a really good day with plenty to be happy about.

I'm a rock climber, and female rock climbers do the same thing. If you *dare* try to help them or even ask if everything is going well, they'll get furious with you for mansplaining and talking down to them, and they will immediately take to social media to shame you and complain. Of course, if you dare *not* help when they need it........

We live in a world where people have been programmed to be offended by everything. That is by design, and unfortunately, it's working. Many people look for reasons to be offended all the time. It makes interacting with these people in a positive way nearly impossible.

My entire life growing up my mom would say, "Treat women like a princess and put them on a pedastal." That's how I was raised. My father was the perfect gentleman. I'm old school when it comes to being a gentleman.

NaeNaeInNC, I'm curious.....how should a man approach you if he's just looking for friendly conversation? Or maybe that's not possible? I'm asking because I'm the type that will just talk to anyone, anywhere, anytime. I'm just the friendly, talkative type. It would never cross my mind that someone might be offended by an attempt at friendly conversation and a helping hand.

We live in a world where people have been programmed to be offended by everything.

Man, this needs to be on a billboard or something it's so damn true